


Forever and ever with(out) you

by P_0TAT0_S



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, I hope y'all like it!, M/M, Post-Break Up, Slow Dancing, Unhappy Ending, it's a bit, it's sad, or I tried to make it sad at least, uhhhhh, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29861073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P_0TAT0_S/pseuds/P_0TAT0_S
Summary: As the lights in the room slowly moved about, Nursey looked over across the room to where Dex was standing, in all his unchill glory. Well, less unchill glory now that he thinks about it. Nursey couldn’t put his finger on it, but looking at Dex now after all these years (years spent longing for something he couldn’t have), Nursey still sees the man he fell in love with.
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Forever and ever with(out) you

**Author's Note:**

> We've been livin' on a fault line // And for a while, you were all mine // I've spent a lifetime givin' you my heart // I swear that I'll be yours forever, 'til forever falls apart  
> \- Till Forever Falls Apart by Ashe and FINNEAS
> 
> I don't need anything fancy  
> I just need me and you slow dancing  
> Hell's bending keeping me captive  
> Heaven's here it's right where you're standing  
> Slow dancing  
> \- Slow Dancing by Aly and AJ (found this a bit after, but the vibes are there!)
> 
> Inspired by @bisexualnursey‘s slow dancing post!

As the lights in the room slowly moved about, Nursey looked over across the room to where Dex was standing, in all his unchill glory. Well, less unchill glory now that he thinks about it. Nursey couldn’t put his finger on it, but looking at Dex now after all these years ( ~~years spent longing for something he couldn’t have~~ ), Nursey still sees the man he fell in love with.

Nursey sees the way he holds himself now, more confident in his stance, more confident in himself. He can see the way that Dex has grown into himself, finding comfort in himself, in just existing. He’s across the room, but Nursey remembers the feeling of Dex’s hair in his hands, the way his skin felt under his finger tips even after years of reminiscing. So Nursey takes his drink and downs it, sparing one more glance up in Dex’s direction.

And when he does, he catches Dex’s eyes with his own. Dex’s hand is still around the beer bottle he got ten minutes ago (not that Nursey noticed) and there was an absoluteness in the way his eyes caught onto Nursey’s, as though it was his main focus. And Nursey remembers when he used to have to force Dex to take breaks because of that laser focus, but feeling it focused on him again, after everything, makes his heart thump, his palms sweaty.

Nursey can’t pretend he didn’t see Dex, with their eyes locked, so he takes his glass and gestures a hello towards Dex. It’s clean, almost detached, and Nursey wants so much more, but knows it’s not his place. He knows he can’t want more anymore. Dex visibly pauses and stares at Nursey, too far to read his expression, but Dex just nods and gestures back with his own drink, turning around almost too quickly.

Even at such a distance, Nursey can spy the tension in Dex’s shoulders, as though he debating on bolting at that moment. And Nursey feels- he feels his heart ache as he remembers those first moments when he watched Dex from a distance, watching the ginger hockey kid with a chip on his shoulder. And Nursey just misses the times he used to watch him and not feel the pit in his stomach fester.

Forcing his gaze to shift, Nursey watches out to the dance floor, watching the other Samwell alumni on the dance floor. It’s been ten years since he’s last been to Samwell, and yet it feels both too long and too short of a time. To Nursey, Samwell was like a memory in a photograph, immortalized in all it’s glory. While walking the courtyards and streets, Nursey could never stop himself from remembering back to when Samwell felt like a forever he shared. A forever he shared with Dex.

Dex. It always comes back to Dex. It’s been ten years since Dex and Nursey last spoke. It’s been ten years since they last saw each other. It’s been ten years since Nursey let go of Dex with an “I’m sorry” and a packed bag. It’s been ten years since Nursey felt his heart break and let himself cry in the front seat of his car, feeling like he lost a part of himself. It’s been ten years since their forever ended. And Nursey still is living in that after.

“Mind if I take a seat?” a quiet voice asks besides Nursey. When Nursey turns from where he’s seated to look, he sees Dex standing there, beer bottle in hand. Nursey just looks at Dex, trying his best to tamp down the rush of emotions he’s feeling, and just stares at him for a moment. Dex fidgets a bit under the Nursey’s stare, looking like he’s about to take back his question.

Nursey just blurts out "Sure,” which is almost lost to the sounds around them, but a small smile appears on Dex’s face as he awkwardly takes the seat opposite from Nursey. Nursey’s own seat is turned to the side to face the crowd, and Dex does the same, their gazes unable to meet without them turning. And Nursey- Nursey knows why he does it. He did it for the same reason, and yet he can’t help himself from longing to look.

“So...” Dex trails off, looking down at the empty beer bottle in his hands, moving it from one hand to the other. Nursey doesn’t know what to do now that Dex is there and apparently trying to start small talk. Even with all the changes of a decade apart, Dex is still a little clumsy when it comes to feelings

“So... how are you?” Nursey asks in return, glancing at the other man, but looking away without holding his gaze. He can see out of the corner of his eye taht Dex has stopped fidgeting with the bottle, and just holds it with both his hands.

“I’ve been- I’ve been better,” Dex responds, with a hesitation in his voice. Dex’s answer makes Nursey feel- Nursey doesn’t know what he feels. Maybe he was expecting Dex to have everything after they fell apart, Maybe he was expecting Dex to live his life fully without him there. Maybe- maybe Nursey should stop expecting. “How are you?” Dex asks.

“I’m- I’m good,” Nursey finds himself saying, knowing that he’s hesitated. In all honesty, Nursey should feel beyond good. He’s an accomplished author, he’s published books (as in, _plural_ ), he has an apartment he likes, he has his life together. He should feel great. And yet, sitting next to the person he gave his heart to a decade ago, he can’t feel anything but helpless.

A silence fell between the two of them, and just as Nursey was going to say something, anything, Dex cuts in, “I read your book. The poetry one that had that bird in flight on the cover. I- I liked it a lot.”

And Nursey freezes. Because even though Nursey published poetry books before, the one Dex read was the first he published. The first, probably the worst one he published. It was shot down over and over, and when he did publish it, it was definitely not well received. It was before Nursey was anywhere near popular, only a few years after Samwell, and yet Dex found it.

Nursey doesn’t know what to feel, and when he turns to look at Dex, he finds his eyes captured by Dex’s. There’s a sense of warmth in Dex’s own eyes, and Nursey just finds himself saying “That one had poems about you in it.”

And Dex’s eyes widen slightly, and Nursey can feel himself anticipating something, not knowing what for sure. But Dex doesn’t look awkward, he doesn’t look like he’s shocked, he just looks exhausted. And Nursey knows how he feels, knows that feeling of tiredness at remembering something good that’s passed and not knowing what to do with it all. Feeling tired by knowing that nothing has felt like something that’s already gone.

Nursey feels that tiredness every time he dreams of Dex’s fingers in his own, every time he thinks back to when they shared a bed and woke up cramped, but happy, He feels that tiredness every time he sees the trees in fall and just remembers the way Dex’s chirps made him feel inside. He feels that tiredness every time he’s eating that meal Dex made for him for his birthday. He feels that tiredness every single second since he cried his heart out after their forever fell apart.

Dex looks away first, his hands tightened around the beer bottle, and Nursey is quick to follow, trying to drown out the memories in the buzz of alcohol and the sound of music. But as the music turns to a slow song, Nursey feels himself almost frown at the timing. The music is bringing back memories of a quiet Haus and a warm hand in his own. But like everything, it just is a memory.

The sound of a chair being pushed back causes Nursey to turn his head to the sound, and when he does, he finds an outstretched hand in front of him. Following the arm up, Nursey sees Dex’s face in the low light, a fragile expression on his face.

“One dance?” Dex asks him, with the same quiet voice he asked Nursey when he asked if he could sit with him. And Nursey looks into Dex’s eyes, and sees the man who used to be so frustrated at the world around him, the man who used to take everything to heart, that he closed it off, and just feels his heart ache once more. And against his own better judgement, he takes Dex’s hand.

Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the years of longing, but Nursey still takes Dex’s hand and lets himself be led to the dance floor. Couples all around them are already swaying to the song, small smiles on their faces, and Nursey’s chest hurts seeing it all. When Dex finally finds a space, he turns around to face Nursey, still with that fragile expression. And Nursey just holds onto his hand for a second, debating on squeezing it for reassurance, but then shifts his hold on that hand, and puts his other on Dex’s shoulder.

“Remember the first time we did this?” Nursey asks Dex, and Dex’s small laugh fills a part of his chest and squeezes it at the same time. As Dex puts his hand on Nursey’s waist, Nursey thinks back to the first time he tried teaching him how to slow dance.

_It was them alone in the Haus, Nursey connecting his phone to the speakers, a soft song playing. And Dex was grumbling, his arms crossed and an annoyed expression on his face, and yet he smiled when Nursey put his hand on his arm. Nursey pulled Dex towards the living room, where they already moved all the furniture in order to make room for the two of them. And so Nursey took Dex’s hands, and put one on his shoulder and the other in his hand. It was always easier to learn from following, and it was fun to watch Dex’ face and ears turn pink as he put his hand to his waist._

_“Just follow my lead,” Nursey told him in a flirty tone, as Dex’ ears turned an even deeper shade of pink and Nursey just laughed. Nursey moved slowly, taking his steps slow and explaining each one to Dex, but after the first few minutes, Dex caught on and the two were just moving in each other’s arms. Everything else faded away as they swayed to the music. It felt nice. It felt safe. It felt right. And Nursey tilted his head in, and felt Dex do the same. In that moment, Nursey felt so much love, his chest felt like he couldn’t hold it all. In that moment, Nursey wished it could last forever, with Dex in his arms, and love in the air._

But Nursey brought himself back to the present, where that memory stayed in the past, buried along with his heart. As Dex lead him through the music, Nursey caught his eyes by accident, and felt his breath catch as he just saw all the longing, all the want and regret of a decade old love reflected back at him _._ The loss in Dex’s eyes made his chest feel ripped open, made him feel like that day he left and never (always) looked back.

Everything around them faded away, and Dex pulled him closer, and Nursey let him. And as Dex leaned his head in, Nursey leaned is own head in, their foreheads resting on each other. In the background, Nursey can hear the song starting to end, but all he does is close his eyes as he sways with Dex.

“I’m sorry,” Nursey hears from Dex, two words layered with regret and longing and just piercing deep into his heart. Although Dex isn’t saying what, Nursey knows exactly what he means. He’s sorry for all the hurt between them. He’s sorry for making Nursey choose a life with him or without him. He’s sorry that they broke apart and never tried to come back together. He’s sorry that they hurt each other in a way only love can. Nursey knows that Dex can’t apologize for every one of them, so he tells him he’s sorry.

And Nursey is sorry for so much too. He’s sorry that he made they both pushed too fast when they shouldn’t have. He’s sorry that he got caught up in the storm of their love, that he never looked and saw things started breaking down. He’s sorry that he took Dex by the hands and told him that they were for forever, and was the one who left. He’s sorry for a million and one things, and no words can encapsulate how sorry he is as well.

But Nursey knows that he still loves Dex. Nursey knows that his chest still aches and that his love for Dex is something that never went away. Nursey knows that all he has to do is say they could start over and maybe, just maybe, things could come back together again.

But Nursey also knows that they fell apart, and knows that there are so many things unsaid that it goes against everything. Nursey knows that he’s hurt Dex too much to ask for a second chance. Nursey knows that he can’t ask Dex to love him again.

So as the music starts to fade, Nursey whispers back “Me too” to Dex, slipping from his grasp and refusing to open his eyes until he’s turned away. Nursey lets Dex go, and wishes that it didn’t hurt as much as the first time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what y'all think!  
> (Will I continue this? Maybe??)


End file.
